10 Tips on How to Deal With a Painful Breakup

Dealing with a painful breakup is tough. Anyone who’s been through it knows the gut-wrenching emotions—the sadness, confusion, and even anger—that come with it.

While everyone handles breakups differently, there are some universal tips that can help guide you through the healing process.

In this article, I’ll share personal insights and practical advice to help you navigate the emotional aftermath of a breakup.

Whether you’re going through one right now, or still haven’t healed from a past relationship, this article might be just what you need to help you cope and eventually move on.

Why Do Breakups Hurt So Much?

Being on the receiving end of a breakup is an emotional whirlwind. The pain can feel unbearable, especially if you still love the person and never wanted things to end.

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A big part of that pain comes from the overwhelming sense of loss.

One moment, you’re part of a couple, sharing your life with someone, and the next, you’re on your own. That sudden shift can feel incredibly hard, and adjusting to it takes time.

Then there’s the sting of rejection. No matter how strong or confident you are, breakups can shake your sense of self-worth. It’s natural to wonder, Why wasn’t I enough? or How could someone who loved me just walk away? 

I remember grappling with those very questions in the early days of my own breakup. It was a tough reality to accept.

So, if you’re in the midst of heartbreak right now, know that these feelings are completely valid. The initial phase is always the hardest, but with time, the pain will ease, and you’ll find your way forward.

Read More: What Are the Reasons for Accepting Mediocrity in Relationships?»

The 3 Stages of a Breakup

Breakups aren’t just painful—they can feel like an emotional rollercoaster.

According to British psychologist John Bowlby, who developed attachment theory, people typically go through three stages when dealing with a major loss like a breakup.

Stage 1: Shock & Longing

At first, there’s disbelief. You might find yourself crying, feeling angry, or even trying to reconnect with your ex—whether that’s through late-night texts or scrolling through old photos. It’s a desperate attempt to hold on to what’s been lost.

Stage 2: Despair & Grief

Once the reality sinks in, deep sadness follows. This is when the heartbreak truly hits, and emotions can feel overwhelming. You may lose interest in things you once enjoyed or find yourself replaying every moment, wondering what went wrong.

Stage 3: Healing & Moving On

With time, the pain starts to lessen. You begin to detach emotionally and reorganize your life.

This might mean shifting your focus, rediscovering yourself, or even opening up to new relationships. The past no longer holds the same weight, and you start looking forward instead of backward.

Everyone moves through these three stages at their own pace—there’s no right or wrong timeline.

What matters is allowing yourself to process the emotions and knowing that, eventually, you will get to the other side.

Now, let’s dive into 10 practical tips to help you heal and move forward after a painful breakup.

Tips on How to Deal With a Painful Breakup

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to healing after a breakup, but over the years, I’ve learned that some strategies work better than others.

During my most recent breakup, I leaned into my instincts and handled things in a way that actually felt right. Instead of feeling completely lost, I somehow knew what I needed to do to get through it.

And while the process wasn’t easy, I managed to work through the pain in less than five months by applying the tips I’m about to share.

Of course, five months might sound like a long time, but healing happens little by little, day by day.

These are my personal insights, shared in the hope that they might make your own breakup journey a little easier.

1. Accept That You Will Feel Bad

When someone you love suddenly leaves, it’s going to hurt—there’s no way around that.

As much as we want to just skip past the pain, grieving the loss is a necessary part of the healing process. 

Think about it—this person, who was once a big part of your life, is suddenly gone. You can’t talk to them, call them, or share your day with them anymore. In many ways, it feels like they don’t exist in your world anymore—and that’s hard.

How can it not be?

That’s why pretending you’re fine or acting like everything is normal won’t help. You have to accept that you’re going to feel awful for a while. It’s part of the process.

Trying to ignore or push away the pain will only drag things out longer. You don’t want to stay stuck in heartbreak mode forever—you want to heal and be happy again. And to do that, you have to let yourself feel the sadness first.

I knew this when my relationship ended. I didn’t try to fight it—I let myself be really sad for days. It was rough, but necessary.

So, if you’re in the thick of it right now, give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel. It won’t last forever, but acknowledging your emotions is the first step to moving forward.

2. Allow the Pain, But Don’t Make It Worse

While it’s important to allow yourself to feel the pain that comes with a breakup, you shouldn’t wallow in it.

Avoid listening to sad breakup songs, obsessing over old pictures, or replaying all the good memories you had together.

Yes, feel the pain—but don’t amplify it.

Trust me, it’s going to hurt enough without intentionally diving deeper into those feelings. Completely wallowing in misery will only makes everything feel worse.

I didn’t look at pictures, listen to sad songs, or spend my days lying in bed crying. I carried on with life and stuck to my routines despite the sadness.

The only thing that changed was that I was now on my own—and I had to get used to it. I tried to accept the pain, but I didn’t wallow in it.

3. Accept That It’s Over

I know this is tough to hear, and even harder to accept, but there’s always a reason behind a breakup. If things were as great as you thought, your partner wouldn’t have ended things.

It might sting, but it’s important to accept this reality. It’s the only way you can fully heal and move on.

For me, accepting the breakup came pretty quickly. I knew deep down that my ex wasn’t going to change his mind or tell me he’d made a mistake. So, whenever I caught myself daydreaming or hoping he’d return, I reminded myself that there was a reason he left.

Accepting the end of the relationship eliminates false hope and wishful thinking. It forces you to face the reality of what’s happened.

If you keep holding onto the idea that they’ll come back, you could end up stuck for years, not being able to move forward.

Remember that time is precious, so the last thing you want is to waste too much of it on someone who’s already walked away.

While it might not seem like it right now, finding love again is possible. I’ve never been a big believer in soulmates or the idea that there’s only one perfect person for everyone.

If you stay open to love, you’ll find it again when you’re ready.

Read More: 10 Challenges for Highly Sensitive People in Relationships»

4. Avoid Contact With Your Ex

Let’s face it—nobody enjoys getting dumped. It’s painful and can leave you feeling pretty powerless.

So, the last thing you want to do is call, stalk, or beg your ex to reconsider. Doing so will only drain your power even more.

You can’t force someone to take you back, and trying to do so will only make you feel worse and, honestly, a little pathetic. It could also push your ex further away and even make them resent you.

Unless your ex did something unforgivable, like cheating, trying to end things on a civil note is a much healthier approach. This way, both of you can look back on the relationship with fondness and avoid carrying around resentment or bitterness.

It’ll help you find peace and move forward to a new relationship without that emotional baggage hanging over you.

That being said, cutting contact doesn’t mean you have to bottle up everything you’re feeling. Write an angry text, email, or letter to your ex—just make sure you never send it.

Get everything off your chest, no matter how raw or unfiltered, and let it out. It’ll help you process those emotions and move on faster.

5. Keep Your Feelings to Yourself

One important strategy I used to regain some of my power after my breakup was keeping my feelings to myself.

It’s tempting to let your ex know just how much you’re suffering, but trust me—it’s not the best move.

Your ex is probably curious about how you’re doing. So, if you run into mutual friends or even your ex directly, try not to openly display your grief. It’s okay to be sad, but don’t wear your pain on your sleeve.

This doesn’t mean pretending you’re completely fine. It’s more about holding a composed exterior while processing everything on the inside.

If your ex hears that you’re miserable, it’ll only feed their ego. On the flip side, if they hear that you’re doing well—whether or not that’s the case—it might sting their pride a little.

And honestly, that can help with your healing.

Not going to lie, the idea of subtly getting back at your ex (even if just a little) can feel pretty satisfying. It’s not about revenge; it’s about reclaiming your sense of self-worth and dignity.

6. Build a Support System

When you’re going through a tough breakup, it’s important to have a solid support system. Surround yourself with friends or family who are there for you, ready to listen without judgment.

Having people you can vent to, who understand and validate your emotions, can make all the difference.

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A strong support system doesn’t just provide a safe space for your feelings; it also helps keep you from reaching out to your ex when you’re tempted to.

Just knowing you have someone on your side who’s rooting for you can bring a sense of comfort and stability during such an emotional time.

And hey, if you don’t have a strong support network in your personal life, consider looking for support online. There are countless communities out there of people who’ve been through exactly what you’re experiencing.

Sometimes, just hearing that others have made it through the same pain can make you feel less alone and remind you that healing is possible.

7. Don’t Put Yourself Down

It’s completely natural to question yourself after a breakup, especially if you didn’t see it coming. You might start wondering what went wrong or why they left, and it’s easy for self-doubt to creep in.

But here’s the thing: breakups are rarely the result of just one person’s actions. There are usually multiple factors at play.

While it’s healthy to reflect on areas where you could’ve done better in the relationship, it’s important not to fall into the trap of blaming yourself entirely. Breakups can be painful and complicated, and it’s not all about pointing fingers.

So, acknowledge your role while also giving yourself grace. Take responsibility for your actions, but see it as an opportunity to grow.

When you work on improving those aspects of yourself, you’re making sure they don’t repeat in your future relationships.

Instead of falling into self-deprecating thoughts or drowning in “what-ifs,” try to embrace the lesson from the experience and focus on moving forward.

Remember: beating yourself up only prolongs the pain. It creates feelings of self-pity and could even lead to depression.

8. Reflect on What You Don’t Like About Your Ex

After a breakup, it’s easy to get caught up in reminiscing about how amazing your ex or your relationship was.

But instead of focusing on the good memories, try flipping the script and reflecting on the things that actually annoyed you or made you frustrated.

What were the habits or behaviors that drove you crazy? What did you dislike about your ex, or about how the relationship was?

It might feel counterintuitive, but it’s important to remember that the relationship is over now. Constantly replaying all the positive memories will only keep you stuck in the past and make it harder for you to move on.

For me, this strategy was really helpful. I spent a lot time thinking about the things I didn’t like about my ex and our relationship. It helped me to see the relationship in a more balanced way, making the loss feel a little less painful.

In fact, reflecting on the negatives even helped me come to terms with the breakup. I eventually realized that my ex’s decision to end things was actually the right one for both of us.

Holding on to only the good aspects of the relationship can make it so much harder to move on. In the worst case, you may never really get past it.

But if you start acknowledging the parts that didn’t work, you’ll start to see the breakup in a clearer light—and that can help you heal faster.

9. Set a Time Frame for the Mourning Process

You’ve probably heard that for every year you were in a relationship, you should grieve for about a month. While I can’t say it’s a hard rule, it’s a reasonable guideline.

For me, after a four-year relationship, it took about five months to start feeling better and ready to move on.

Around that time, I found out my ex had a new girlfriend. Of course, it upset me, but I reminded myself that I’d already done my grieving and I wasn’t willing to go back to square one.

At some point, you have to remind yourself that you can’t grieve forever.

There comes a time when you have to pick yourself up and move forward. Only you can decide when that moment comes. But if you’re still devastated months after the breakup, you might be holding on too tightly to what was.

For me, by the six-month mark, the worst had passed, though I still had some sadness.

But if you’re still struggling after that time, try to shift your focus to the less-than-perfect aspects of your ex or the relationship, and use that to help you let go.

When you feel ready, make it a point to tell yourself: “That’s it. I’m done grieving. It’s time to move on.”

10. Remain Open to Love Again

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that just because one relationship ended, you’ll never find love again.

But that’s simply not true.

Are you really willing to close yourself off from all future happiness just because one relationship didn’t work out?

Breakups are painful, but we shouldn’t let them define us.

Personally, I wasn’t going to let the end of one relationship close me off to the possibility of future love. I never stopped believing that there’s more out there for me.

Healing from this breakup made me realize that I’m stronger than I thought. And the next time I face something similar, I know I’ll be okay. You will be too.

It might not feel like it right now, but you’re stronger than you think. With time, support, and a little self-love, you’ll find that healing is possible, and brighter days will eventually come.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with a painful breakup is undeniably tough. It’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, and even angry as you process what happened.

But, remember—healing is a journey, and it’s a journey you don’t have to take alone.

The tips I shared are based on my own experiences, and while every breakup is different, I hope they help you along the way.

Accepting the pain, giving yourself permission to grieve, and eventually learning to let go are all part of the process.

Time will heal you, and before you know it, you’ll feel stronger and more equipped to embrace whatever comes next.

You’re capable of moving forward, and love is still out there waiting for you when you’re ready. So, take care of yourself, give yourself the grace to heal, and trust that brighter days are ahead.